I don't care where you work

I decided to venture out of town for a Birthday celebration at a nearby casino this weekend. The service was terrible. Just because you work in a casino, does not mean your service can be subpar.

I understand I don't have many other options once I'm within the confines of this greyhound-bus like, overly-decorated maze of scantilly clad white trash, however, I expect that when I'm polite, the bartender is too. For the record, we are paying for drinks at the bar, versus gambling and getting them for free, so be nice.

Also, stop charging me $8 for watered down lime juice.

Gluten is Good For You

As an event planner, I am super sensitive to food allergies. There's always a dairy, peanut, uncooked tomato, shellfish intolerance in the crowd and it's something I ask about at every single event I book.

If you have a gluten allergy, I treat this just as carefully as another other potentially life-threatening dietary restriction. If you are just trying to be gluten free, in order to be skinny, then please please stop. If you want to avoid bread, be my guest.... if you want to keep the desserts to a minimum, go for it.... but if you truly understand restaurant food and the exuberant traces of gluten in almost all items, then you will not explain to me you have a gluten allergy. You're most likely going to inadvertently order lower quality food.

Some things you may not know contain gluten:

Soy Sauce: found in most marinades, especially for meat, if someone is paying close enough attention, you're going to receive an unmarinated piece of steak and therefore a major downgrade.

Anything Fried: if you're truly sensitive to gluten then you shouldn't eat anything that touches a fryer, battered or not. Since other items that do contain gluten have been fried in the same oil, traces of gluten are inevitable. (You'd think someone who is avoiding gluten to be healthier would also avoid fried foods, but there's clearly some inconsistency here).

Most Poultry Dishes: many chicken dishes - even if they're "roasted" are dredged in flour at some point in the process. You don't need to be eating battered, fried chicken in order to be consuming gluten. That shit hides everywhere.

Things you may think do contain gluten:

Rice: carbohydrates and gluten are different things. Gluten-free has become trendier than carb-free, but is often treated the same way. Carbs make you feel full / bloated which is one of the reasons people avoid them for weight reasons. Rice is your biggest culprit here since it expands in your stomach. If you're avoiding bloat, then avoid simple carbs, not gluten. If you avoid all carbs, I'm sorry your life sucks. Brown rice is better for you than white rice, multigrain bread is better for you than white bread. It's not rocket science and it's not about gluten.

Cider: this is a great alternative to beer for gluten free-ites. Hint: beer doesn't contain that much gluten though, so if you're faking, it's cool.

Wine is Overwhelming Enough

Wine snobs, know-it-alls and bull-shitters walk amongst us. There's no need to fuel their fire with a 27 page wine list with a table of contents as an otherwise accessible establishment.

Unless you're a steakhouse catering to their clientele, your wine list does not need to be categorized by grape, region, style and attitude you should be in while you order it. By the time I hit page 14 I'd order anything to make it end.

As someone with at least amateur wine knowledge, I peruse wine lists hoping to find some famliar grapes and blends, a few classic regions they're known for and a couple unique varieties I can ask the server or bartender about. Not only was this particular list so overly organized that I couldn't compare the way I wished, the staff was also unable to explain it to me, even with vast beverage knowledge.

Pricing was all over the place with bottles jumping from $36 to $65, then $160 in the same category....and if you don't have a California Cabernet under $65, then you're just not playing the game. People want it....just give it to them.

Refusing to give patrons what they want, versus what they want to serve is usually reserved for Chefs, but the new breed of let-me-educate-you-even-if-you-don't-want-it Beverage Directors is upon us. 

Don't be that girl

There's one color you're going to see at a wedding. THE dress, THE bride, it's her day.

Don't wear white to a wedding, and please don't pretend you don't know you're not supposed to wear white to a wedding.

Champagne, off-white, cream, eggshell, beige, cloudy day, milk, snow, chalk, ghost, baby powder, ivory, seashell, lace, linen, ecru, bone - they count, don't try. If you question it, don't wear it...or may karma send a tall, drunk supermodel to the front row of your ceremony.